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so im writing this blog to vent nothing more so if your included then dont take it like im telling you i dont like/wanna be friends with you anymore its just a ramble of thought on a selected section on Blogspot.

First off ive lost all hope in ever finding a relationship. Ive come to conclude that people just see me as the fat kid thats semi-funny and that would make a good friend but not a boyfriend and dont think im gonna go kill myself over it (im not a stero-typical emo kid that would go cut himself in the corner and if you think of me like that your completely wrong im the exact opposite) im just unhappy and dont know if i can change that its been like this for monthes now ive just masked it and/or delt with it.

Second my friends are drifting away (or maybe its me) and i feel like i cant stand to be around them for instance Kara Jones (who i feel is one of my very most best friends ive ever had in my intire life and i love her for that) but i cant seem to bring myself to cope with that shes changed and that she is so different. Half of me thinks that true but the other half of me thinks its my unhappiness coming through and i cant cope with the fact that shes happy and im not (and i know im a dick for saying that and that Kara Jones doesnt deserve to have such a selfish shitty friend like me) and im sorry that i ever thought that and its ok if you never talk to me again i deserve it. Like i said Kara i love you; your the reason ive ive kept my sanity for this long. Now Terry i deeply feel that im starting to hate you and your egotistic attitude toward everything. It driving me fucking insane and i cant say that i wouldnt talk to you even if i had the chance because i also love him (no homo) hes a good friend just a pompus one. Alex and Cody i love you too and we dont hang out enough we need to fix that.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU and like i said this isnt a "hate blog" its just a rank about my shitty life at the moment. And mom if you do keep up with my blogs its not because of you; you are the reason ive kept my sanity this long (you may piss me off from time to time) but i love you and theres nothing in this world that can stop that.

This horrible mood im in has been brewing inside me for monthes and its finally surfaced on this shitty ass Monday. I cant write a good/happy blog or pick up my bass for the sake of playing it anymore im dying on the inside and i dont know why.

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ive come to hate myself

I NEED A CHANGE OF COURSE!