damn. started out nice but ended in the same old shit.

so ive led myself down a hole where there are painful things at the bottom

I've stopped something good
to try to get to something better (which hasn't come and will never occur)
and i realized that today....
so of course me being the retard that i am i try to go back to an original argee and DAMN if that back fired too

so now im alone(like i have been for the past few weeks but just thought it would all work out....damn if i was wrong)
and back to writing shitty, depressing blogs to try to get shit out of my mind.....(it doesnt work)
i like to think blogging helps me think but it just makes me think about the shit hole im in

this will prolly be one of the few blogs i write again untill something gets better
she'll prolly read this and ask why?
but for everyone else that have been reading my blogs for a while they know if its shitty i dont blog
because shit stays shitty for LONG periods of time............

eatting diner
smoking
and falling asleep are my main goals for a while........................

man credit recovery is fucking retarded

its 8:34am im sitting here in Mr.Rawls class
im bored as hell















get me out of here

damn

well end of the week already
and i have nothing to show for it other than court in the morning lol
obviously not from this week but for not having my lisence when i got pulled over on 10/25 lol
smart i know

my emotional state has been in a downward spiral for the past week or so
like i mean it goes around and around like one minute ill be content with my actions
and then the next im thinking about them and just thinking damn i a fucking retarded
but for the most part i feel i should stick to one thought and try not to think of the alturnitive

so for the select few that know of my current situations they know i ended it yesterday.....
still friends with this women im actually talking to her right now on facebook, i know facebook; everyone loves facebook.... lol

dude what a weird week lol

its been a weird but a good break

this break has been awkward
like I've found myself twice
sitting on my bed thinking about life, situations I'm in, and the others around me

my life i don't think could get any better like, spiritual?; like i haven't found god or anything ridiculous but like I'm content with my state of mind

the situations I'm in have made me think long and hard but at the same time made me happy for the 3-4 weeks they've been going on

and some the ppl around me have made me mad as hell
let pull on that for a second
i hear today that someone thinks just because he/she has some bad situation with themselves and others they can just say things about other ppl; and that wont get back to them, well it did and i think just because your in a fucked up state of mind stuck sitting there with nothing but a thumb in your ass feeling sorry for yourself, don't take something i have(and it may not be something that you think is worth anything but fuck you i enjoy it) and twist it to make it seem like your hurt because of problems that you brought upon yourself

so now that's off my chest and on a computer screen
everyone else that graces there presents upon me y'all are awesome just to let y'all know and
Cody i hope we can get the old click back together i miss y'all :)

OK well diners ready and my moms screaming

until the near future
farewell

i feel like shit

so i need to vent a little bit.

for the past like idk.... 3-4 weeks ive been talking to a girl that ive found feelings for again and ive enjoyed every minute of every day talking to her but its come to the fact we will be nothing but friends with benefits other than (what i had hoped for) a relationship again....

i was ok with this scenario for the first few times i thought about it but just last night i got off the phone with this beautiful women and i thought about ..... us .. you know and i decided that id rather be happy in a relationship other than only having the benefits of a relationship and i know the typical 17 year old male would love FWB's but idk im not feeling it ya know

so i told her, like 5 minutes ago and;

nothing will come of it
she doesnt want a relationship, which is her decision
but now ive lied to her and told her im taking a nap to just get this thought out of my head which isnt really working i cant get her out of my head
so i feel like shit over my ..... noblity (is that the right way to discribe my actions) idk not to call her skanky or anything because like i said before im rushed with old and new feelings for this girl and idk what to do


my heads spining

baby if you read this im sorry.....
this is just something that i cant do

..... im going to sleep

SAT PREP COURSE

im in sat prep course... wtf
Jones-Lester is blabbing up at the front of the media center
shes fucking stupid
no ones listening to her ramble .....


FML

idk

ok so this is just something i need to get out of my thoughts and idk if its still a problem or not or if its like hanging over my head.

so the last blog i wrote was the stupidest thing i could of ever done to myself
ever since that blog got deleted and i said sorry to everyone i still get a weird vibe from them and i don't think it'll ever be the same as it was four months ago
(that vibe maybe just me but i really don't know)

and that gets me really fucking down you know i fucked up the best thing i had going for me in my life ..... my friends

so I've spent the past two to three weeks getting so fucked up i couldn't think straight


and that's got me to a point where when I'm not fucked up it doesn't feel right and that make me feel even worse i feel like a fucking junkie and i don't like that


i remember why i didn't like drinking before


i realized that if i keep going on the track that I'm going I'm not going to amount to anything

i wish i could just go back four months and act as if none of this happened

i feel like shit I'm going to bed

i stole this blog idea from a friend

but it wont be exactly the same...

your the shit i really enjoy your hugs a lot more than you think i still like hugs i just dont think they mean as much as the ones you get from a lover. i love you as a sister just the same as you think of me as a brother and if i wasnt for you i think id be very lonely most of the time. we can chill anywhere and make it fun and i think harris teeter must have been the funnest.

you also the shit and youll always be one of my best friends i still dont know what im getting you btw its hard hard thing to chose. i see you every morning (most of the time) and you brighten my day i for get your a girl most of the time and to be perfectly honest i love you as a brother cause i can talk to you about the women and you can agree and youve always been there for me through thic and screaming at your girlfriend.

your stupid dope and you always have cool sunglasses your make a good friend of mine happier than anything and you will probably always be a good friend of mine idk if you feel the same. we've had our fights and our arguements but i feel we've over come that and i must say even though i dont chill with you that much i think of you as a sister none the less .

dude youve been actting weird lately and i think youll always be a good friend of mine even though your talk of drugs gets really annoying at moments. i think you can over come was occuring but i think in the end american pie will be fun dude i love you (no homo) and i think that "relationship" we had was funnier than the ugly bitch you dumpped that same week, dont forget the rose peddles next time.... lol.