idk

ok so this is just something i need to get out of my thoughts and idk if its still a problem or not or if its like hanging over my head.

so the last blog i wrote was the stupidest thing i could of ever done to myself
ever since that blog got deleted and i said sorry to everyone i still get a weird vibe from them and i don't think it'll ever be the same as it was four months ago
(that vibe maybe just me but i really don't know)

and that gets me really fucking down you know i fucked up the best thing i had going for me in my life ..... my friends

so I've spent the past two to three weeks getting so fucked up i couldn't think straight


and that's got me to a point where when I'm not fucked up it doesn't feel right and that make me feel even worse i feel like a fucking junkie and i don't like that


i remember why i didn't like drinking before


i realized that if i keep going on the track that I'm going I'm not going to amount to anything

i wish i could just go back four months and act as if none of this happened

i feel like shit I'm going to bed