depression; wow its back already

so in the past week ive been more happy than ive been in the past year and it was all for shit...

so in a blunt way i found out that the girl ive liked is dating someone else and like she didnt tell me that she was but like i asked her if she liked me back (it a better way than that) but it was like lets be friends and see where that takes us and you know what that right there should have told me "Blake i like you as a friend but not like that" and really i thinked i liked her enough to make that register in my head as "Blake you still have a chance, lets get to know each other better" like im a dumbass ive been happy for the thought that maybe; JUST FUCKING MAYBE, i had a fighting chance to be happy for a while and not think to myself every fucking day that im gonna be alone through my whole high school life like im that kid that has not girl friend for his whole high school life and then goes to college for like independent film production cause theres nothing better in life to do for him.

im that kid that lame ass kid.

The one that takes something that obviously mean no and thinks it a chance

im a dumbass and i feel like shit

and really since Haley told me that she had a boy friend like my eye lids got heavy and i felt like i did 2 or 3 weeks ago like the shit losers walk on.

i hate this....

i need to get used to it again